Howard Hughes Archetype

Definitely not here to define what a genius is much less call myself a genius. But I can attest to some of the great problems in my life.

Restlessness

I can attest to a mind that runs as fast as F1 sports cars. In my opinion, it is involuntary solitude, innate worrying, and drifting imagination that enables room for quiet calculation. Not genius, that is a cheesy way to explain something you don't understand. Mind becomes a blender. Mind becomes a rollercoaster. Mind becomes a lightning rod that never turns off.

Cannot sleep. Cannot function as a human being if they consume you. If you don't write things out. Like a million Watts of electricity is coursing through your spine at every given moment. When I was young, I certainly did not know how to deal with this.

Detoning

You can tone this down by methods everyone else does. Music, entertainment, books and such.

Most people experience this too, but they channel them into community and gentle hobbies, which is much more healthier. Community. Strike genuine connections -- even though they won't fully mean everything or reach the core of your heart (that's a lonely place not a lot of people will understand). 

This doesn't work for some people who's minds run on fire. It becomes an alienating process. Negative feedback. Genius isolates. You feel so deeply and so complicatedly that language fails. No conversation can even touch the depths of what you feel and think. There is a certain kind of isolation that comes with that -- where no one truly knows what goes on inside your mind or what you are truly feeling. They look upon you with much speculation. I could tell ya, but ya probably wouldn't ever truly understand -- not your average psychological template human being, believe me I've desperately tried.  

So here enters the negative feedback loop. It causes you to have experiences that no one has. This can isolate you on some level. Which in turn gives you the solitude that enables room for more mental fire.

Additionally, it doesn't work to have gentle hobbies or entertainment: Numb yourself. Then you are in decay. You are dying in a figurative sense.

Naively, I could just settle down in the countryside but deep down I know that I wouldn't actually be able to rest. 

At this point, everything you have ever thought of, I think I have thought of before already.

Paradox

The moment you stop or slow down, chaos replaces the tranquillity and the peace. Mind wanders again and pretty soon you are back on a rollercoaster. 

One of the great paradoxes of living. Going full force in a chaotic and focused way is the only thing that actually gives you peace. Going at a peaceful pace is the only thing that gives you chaos. 

Conclusion

One's internal wiring is a masonry for their actions. 

I am a rocketship. I need to move fast or the potential energy inside unleashes in unhealthy ways. That very escape-velocity is not sustainable as well.

So I'll settle for the base camp - climb - camp - climb - camp until the indefinite.