I find two opposing forces tugging in opposite directions.
- A desire to live a simple life away from politics. A desire to jump into the deep end and expand and dominate.
- A desire to rebel by exclusion. A desire to rebel by breaking rules of the game at large.
- A desire to hide away from visibility. A desire to be visible at large whilst whispers of respect, of broken expectations, of originality
- A desire to be at peace. A desire to be at war.
Both psychological profiles exist in perhaps all young men at varying degrees. Absolute respect for following whatever underlying neurological wiring serves the most satisfaction.
Attention
It's not healthy to live with a pair of eyes over the shoulder but that is a sacrifice you'll need to give up to do something of magnitude. The alternative is to live a very boring life. Am I really living then?
From my perspective, use attention as a tool to do your goal of magnitude. Protect the space such that peace is possible. Protect a Walden for yourself.
Internal Chaos
Peace breeds internal chaos within that is tranquilized through an external war. War bleeds which is tranquilized through peace.
War is of course not sustainable. Oscillate between peace and war effectively. Relax and hustle.