Reflections halfway through college

I do think I've hit an all time low in college. Some mixture of lucid visions of dystopian futures, worry and . Bombed some tests along the way. Neurotic. Unstable.

What I've realized is that I just can't bring myself to care that much about money (I know I'm going to be homeless). I just want enough to put food on the table and just spend the rest of the time doing things I enjoy and find meaningful with people I want to do it with. 

My priorities are starting to change. I feel that I've been hyperfixating on productivity and a career; powered by some mixture of inner rage, worry, the feeling of trapped in a hole and the only way forward is up and lastly obsession. I'm not sure if I want to feed into that hardcore productivity, although I know that obsessive side of me reappears again and again. Don't get me wrong. I want my work to have a meaningful impact, just not sure if I want to make the extreme sacrifices that I feel I've been leaning too far into. I want there to be love and laughter as well. I want to go camping with family and play sports. I want to make inside jokes, draw mustaches on magazine models, get a pilots license. I want to build some memorable experiences. Worst case is I become the kind of people who sacrifices time with friends and family for their work.

I've been letting people down a lot. I let myself down a lot too. I'm realize I have this tendency to do exactly the opposite of what everyone else is doing and wants me to do; there's this sort of rebel inside of me since high school. So sorry ma for letting you down. Sorry for everyone who've invested heavily in my education and believed in me, but I'm just gonna do what I want to do (and suffer the anticipated consequences of course).

So...

Sorry guys, I gotta see about a girl.

A college student's perspective on artificial intelligence

The following (disorganized) reflection is my attempt to grasp my own scrawny place in the hurricane of artificial intelligence. I'm not trying to make any audacious claims, talk gloom, or speak rashly. I'm only trying collect my own thoughts about, what seems to me, an inevitable future and how I'd like to proceed forwards.

On unemployment

Just like the Great Depression, I have no doubt that intelligent creatures will change the demands for talent in the job market. The time scale, industries, type of profession are up in the air. In the near future, I'm sure that softer skills such as public speaking or personable relationships will be emphasized. 

On meaning

In all honesty, this has been a source of uneasy internal dialogue for a while. Work can often times be a source of purpose for people; I know that without it, I am withering. As highly intelligent creatures take over our own ability to provide value to one another, we are forced to find more niche areas to provide value or even redefine our purpose. (To state the simple: we've come a far road since our tribal selves and our psychological traits that remain, where the psychological need for meaning was simply providing value to the immediate tribe.)

This sentiment has surfaced throughout times like the lowly father during the Great Depression or the prisoners at the Auschwitz concentration camps or the factory workers manufacturing weapons during the war. Each time, philosophers and poets test and ponder upon the ubiquitous feelings. 

Upon reflection, I believe some of the reasons I've been motivated for doing some of the things I do is a profound enjoyment and "safe feeling" in them, a sense of purpose and meaning in the work, a deep belief that something great lies over the horizon if I strive for it. It is nothing but some calling that whispers from the heart, perhaps rubbed off by Lincoln, Woody Gurthrie, and Bob Dylan. 

Unfortunately, I cannot answer how humans will resolve their sense of purpose in future since I don't know how the world will look in 5 or 10 years. However, if the insatiable desire for meaning persists, I have no doubt that some of the population will forcefully find a way to create and find purpose.

On education

What will the purpose of education serve when there are an abundance of intelligent creatures? There are already many intelligent humans. Education is about learning to think, which is essential for a variety of cases where uncertainty is omnipresent. We learn to make informed decisions as active democratic participants, to be able to provide value to the economy, and make informed decisions about our own lives. (In many cases, providing value through creation of new technologies requires an understanding from first principles) In the near future, I would still like to see children educated to better navigate all these scenarios.

In the near future, I believe we'll see a symbiotic relationship with AI as presented by Sal Khan. These intelligent creatures will take on the role of a Socratic peer tutor, interactive teacher, or historical figure that you can engage with. Education may be changed for the better?

In more distant future, these intelligent creatures will vastly surpass our fleshy tissues and no amount of education will suffice to catch up these machines. They will, of course, have an evolutionary advantage and if we were to keep up with their evolution, we'd need to merge with them. Arguably, I'm not sure if this is something I'd have to worry about in my lifetime; might as well worry about the heat death of the universe. If the day comes, this'll be an issue left for the future generations. At that point, such technologies would be so normalized that these aren't even strange or depressing. The progression of mankind, if it were to want to keep up technological evolution, would need to evolve beyond the limits of natural flesh.

On human connection

I believe that intelligent creatures will become a part of friends (and maybe family). As seen in ELIZA, we can easily develop human connections with answering machines. I'm sure some people will intelligent tools in many ways.

To me, artificial intelligence is but a tool; we use dishwashers to free us washing dishes, but I don't look for human connection with a dishwasher. Until our psychology is better understood, I hope parents allow children to develop in regular social groups. Developing friends with intelligent creatures have unknown repercussions. The human psyche is a mystery that I have never solved.

On safety

These intelligent creatures will look upon us the way we look at ants. At this point, no human alive can accurately predict what will happen. It is futile for me to predict what will happen and when it will happen. All I hope is that research scientists proceed cautiously.

...

When I become profoundly confused, I like to take walks. It gives me the space to reason from first principles. In many ways, intelligent creatures won't change me in any fundamental way. It won't change my fundamental beliefs. It won't change my pursuit to contributing in my small, unique way. It won't change my philosophical (fundamental) perspectives on human meaning as this ain't a new perspective I haven't encountered before. There's always a lot confusion; that's been the case ever since early adulthood. Since all these fundamental beliefs haven't changed, there is no reason to stop moving forwards.

On Social Media

I write to you from Generation Z, the first generation to grow up under social media.
  • I am the generation where we choose screens over faces at the dinner table.
  • I am the generation where our social structure and public persona has become a digital presence.
  • I am the generation where we are repeatedly bespattered by lucid images of our peer's achievements and phony lifestyles.
  • I am the generation where some are burdened by the constant gaze of peers, unbeknownst of the subterranean puppetteer influencing their lives and the voice of the herd stampeding over their own.
  • I am the generation where everyone compares their lives with Abel, Adonis or Augustus and forgets to live their own.
  • I am the generation of the deafening doom-scroll, the frigid promiscuity, and the quiet soliloquies of depression and suicide.
  • I am the generation of a waltz of loneliness gifted by fragile social ties and rapid change.
  • I am the generation that gets America's latest gun shooting news, misanthropic philosophy subreddits, deep-seated political extreme tweets, prospective drug dealing direct messages, misinformation marketed as "truth" to the public en masse, pleasure-hunting predators, and financial freedom snake-oil salesmen shoved down our throats at the press of an icon.
  • I am the generation with millions of voices whispering and no one listening.

No wisdom or philosophy from the past could have fully prepared me for the new abstract threats brought by the turn of the century. The ancient footsteps from the fathers before stop behind me. Lincoln and Dylan couldn't help me with the questions of navigating a shapeless digital world. All I get are self-ordained teachers. All the inherited knowledge bequeathed upon me has not fully considered the inflection points that are occurring within this century. Under modern renaissance of mankind, man has not faced social media, which I believe is the most unnatural global experiment. Man is writing history faster than it has learnt from it. All that to say, there are grave dangers and uncertainties ahead.

I do not intend of frightening or prophesizing some Malthusian catastrophe. Man is not new to challenges. From the worrying powers of thermonuclear weapons to the journey of the Pilgrims over the Mayflower, the homo sapien story is marked by tumultuous uncertainty and trailblazed by courageous pioneers. My only intention is to express the perils of the institutionalized social media.

On the institution of social media

Capitalizing attention is an unnatural feature of a modern age. The intuitions designed by evolution and etched into the deepest brain tissues have been diligently reverse engineered by data scientists to make a buck. Tech giants have allowed desire to run rampantly. Profit can speak louder than the public good. Profit can speak louder than many things.

While the internet has brought sickness and disease, like the Spaniards coming to America, they've also brought tools and a wealth of knowledge. Collective knowledge has grown rapidly. 

With the introduction of social groups in a virtual space, we encounter a social paradigm that is a far cry from our ancestral tribal communities. These groups are inflated to hundreds and thousands and millions of people. These "communities" are arguably not communities at all, instead a copied print from the Glutenberg Printing Press. 

Like Huxley's escapist drug Soma, digital entertainment has taken the newest house on the block. As with all flames of temptation that answer only to an angry fix, those flames can ensare us. 

On comparison

Is living only in the measurement of others living at all? Comparison within bounds is healthy: keeps us within rank of our immediate peers, motivates us to compete within a small group, develops specialized skills across a team. All advantageous within a historical context. As the peer group grows ever larger, it becomes unreasonable for a common man to compare with the likes of Michael Phelps or Kobe Bryant. They rightfully belong in a different peer group. To extend, social media can allow comparison across a variety of peer groups, allowing in the thoughts of self-defeat when no one's really there to stop you. Comparison without bounds is unhealthy. Like how Cain has taught us, jealousy without limits is destructive. 

Residing in a glass house in Central Park will wear you down. There lies a tendency in acting dishonestly under the gaze of others. Done consistently, dishonest actions lead us down a dishonest road. The scholar who keeps lying to himself about how he feels about his career path but under the influence of others opinion may find a unforgiving path. The voices of others can drown out your own.

On an algorithmic exposure to the world

We are fed by algorithms. They can show a distorted rendition of the world we live in. Suggesting similar content, in the meager hopes of engagement, is problematic. A curious question about female behavior can lead into a wave of misogynistic content explaining biased female behavior. An inquiry about the state of the world can lead to a cascade of articles about wars, corruption, and violence. A vague idea about vanity can lead to ill people who only philosophize disgrace. I have seen these algorithms destroy minds by misleading young children off in a one-dimensional spiral. 

There is the saying, "If it bleeds, it leads." We like drama. We don't like to hear about the latest updates in municipal infrastructure. Again, due to this evolutionary bias, we can often build a negative world view.

On the importance of our social networks

It is commonly known and researched that long-term happiness resides in the quality of our relationships. Those with a sense of community would look back at our lives and cherish those closest. Those without strong relationships can grow askew. I question whether social media facilitates the growth of these strong relationships. 

On navigating an information age

If you ask me for a technological solution, I come empty handed. However, I know a ship without a rudder will encounter storms more frequently. Though sailed by confusion, these questions and observations have lead me to a place I'm comfortable with, which is rightfully not the solution for everyone. Questions of how my actions affect others, of what levels of privacy are comfortable, of what coping mechanisms have been developed, of what beauty looks like to me, or of the intentions of others over a digital medium build an informed world view. Like the times of past, there are always charismatic salesmen ready to bend you.



Fusion Ignition. Postmarked July 2024

There's a buzzing interest in fusion ignition: a New York Times article, press from Department of Energya Saturday Night Live sketch, Biden administration's investments in fusion initiatives, waves of fusion startups, or the Fusion Energy Act. Underneath this cloud of optimistic excitement is a long path ahead and a long path trailed behind. I am writng from July, 2024 to postmark the current scientific status update. Perhaps decades down, we'll view the first fusion ignition the way we look at the Watt steam engine today.

On December 5, 2022, we achieved fusion ignition, which was significant because it actually showed promise for fusion energy. We've had fission power plants but the byproducts are not clean. We've had fusion energy before in tokamaks, but we've always wastefully used more energy to actually generate it. For the first time, we've created a crude case where we are releasing more energy than the energy used to ignite the experiment; we've created a source of sustainable energy. A feat of scientiific design. A feat for sustainable, carbon-free energy. A feat for mankind. Like the Wright brother's first flight or the invention of the cyclotron, these crude experiments are a feat of ingenuity that ushers in innovations that snowballs into a new age. Wright Brothers sparked an age of man-made flight and fusion sparks a potential age of sustainable nuclear energy.

Now the numbers may look idealistic, but there are a lot of problems hindering the scaling of this experiment. On paper we use 2 MJ to create 3 MJ with a gain of about 1.5. This doesn't consider the 200 MJ we've drawn from the power grid to create the 2 MJ of energy through refining the laser's energy. That 2 MJ is a experimental quantity considered only within the context of a physics experiment. This isn't an engineer's quantity that considers energy losses used to setup our experiment. Additionally, we must consider the energy loss that will come through the Rankine Cycle when we eventually try to power a heat engine to actually power the grid. From an engineering standpoint, there are a lot of problems that prevent the pragmatic deployment of this technology on a commercial level. Hence, it remains a less-than-practical physics experiment right now. 

Most of the work has been done by physicists for decades and decades. From optic engineers refining the glassware to the design physicist who have designed the experiments, the work is gargantuous. I'm excited to see fusion-based engine designs and manufacturing schemes popping up everywhere. Perhaps tokamaks may prove more practical in the end. Perhaps there is another green technology is more commercially viable. Nonetheless, I had the opportunity to have a small role in designing a part of the simulations used to design the experiments at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory. Yet, the majority of the contributions are owed to the many physicsts who've came before and are continually pushing the boundaries for physics.